Why do people in movies chew on bread like its a hard piece of rubber that requires 40 up and down chewing motions before swallowing? Not to mention the bite size. It has always made me feel like a glutton.
Midnight chocolate cake sessions are fun though.
However, depressingly flaccid cellulite ridden body parts aren't.
Buuuuuuuuut, cake dripping chocolate sauce wins.
Showing posts with label Idiot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Idiot. Show all posts
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
Father, please may I be excused??
The......... Ravenous Bugblatter beast of Traal!! There has not been a single day in the last ohsomany months when I haven't thought about the BBoT. For those who don't know who/what it is, here's a little bit on it
"Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a creature that hails from the planet of Traal, and will eat anything. If you are to encounter one, the Guide tells you that it's impossible to slay, so you should wrap a towel around your head. This creature is so mind-bogglingly stupid that it assumes that if you can't see it, then it can't see you. Despite this, the guide did state, erroneously, that "ravenous Bugblatter beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists" in its article on the planet Traal. This led to deaths of those who took it literally. The guide's editors avoided lawsuit by summoning a poet to testify under oath that beauty was truth, truth beauty, and therefore prove that their claim, the nicer one, must be true. This led to life itself being held in contempt of court for being neither beautiful or true, and subsequently being removed from all those present at the trial."
Ain't it pretty? I mean firstly, the name itself is gorgeous. Deliciously fullfilling mouthful of a name. The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Say it. Smile. And marvel at the enjoyable satedness. Sigh....
And if that is not enough to keep you going for a good decade, think with a towel wrapped around your head. Cos if you can't see it then it can't see you. Whenever the need for inconspicuousness is felt, just wrap a towel around your head. Poignantly convenient. Delightfully convoluted. And other such high-sounding, seemingly oxymoronic phrases that occur. In fact when you have a towel wrapped on your head, you can think of many more.
And so easy to administer. No need anymore for us to dig holes to jump into. Or pray for alien abduction. Just carry that handy saviour of a towel. And be the klutz that you are. Merrily hop skip jump over emotions, bad vocabulary and political incorrectness in the confidence that you have your faithful towel. The la da da ticket to eternal forgiveness. You don’t need to be cool anymore. Oooooh… sigh, where’s my towel now?
P. S.: Please to be excusing logic leaps, grammatical errors and unnecessary words. No, wait, I don’t mean that. Cos I got me towel. Ha!
"Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a creature that hails from the planet of Traal, and will eat anything. If you are to encounter one, the Guide tells you that it's impossible to slay, so you should wrap a towel around your head. This creature is so mind-bogglingly stupid that it assumes that if you can't see it, then it can't see you. Despite this, the guide did state, erroneously, that "ravenous Bugblatter beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists" in its article on the planet Traal. This led to deaths of those who took it literally. The guide's editors avoided lawsuit by summoning a poet to testify under oath that beauty was truth, truth beauty, and therefore prove that their claim, the nicer one, must be true. This led to life itself being held in contempt of court for being neither beautiful or true, and subsequently being removed from all those present at the trial."
Ain't it pretty? I mean firstly, the name itself is gorgeous. Deliciously fullfilling mouthful of a name. The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Say it. Smile. And marvel at the enjoyable satedness. Sigh....
And if that is not enough to keep you going for a good decade, think with a towel wrapped around your head. Cos if you can't see it then it can't see you. Whenever the need for inconspicuousness is felt, just wrap a towel around your head. Poignantly convenient. Delightfully convoluted. And other such high-sounding, seemingly oxymoronic phrases that occur. In fact when you have a towel wrapped on your head, you can think of many more.
And so easy to administer. No need anymore for us to dig holes to jump into. Or pray for alien abduction. Just carry that handy saviour of a towel. And be the klutz that you are. Merrily hop skip jump over emotions, bad vocabulary and political incorrectness in the confidence that you have your faithful towel. The la da da ticket to eternal forgiveness. You don’t need to be cool anymore. Oooooh… sigh, where’s my towel now?
P. S.: Please to be excusing logic leaps, grammatical errors and unnecessary words. No, wait, I don’t mean that. Cos I got me towel. Ha!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Idiot thoughts
I can't read. Even if I want to and try to I can't. All my friends are well read intellectual farts and they make me feel small. I heard once that there is a man called Dostoyevsky (thankyou google spell check!) and he wrote a book called The Idiot.
I haven't read it, of course, and so I ask anyone who has read it and happens to like it to excuse themselves from the drivel that follows this sentence. Anyone with a name as serious sounding as Mr. D mentioned in the previous paragraph, must have vast knowledge about idiots and their ways. In fact, I'm quite sure it will be like reading about myself and so I must stop referring to idiots in third person.
But why did a man as important sounding as Mr. D write a book like this? Is it because he was quite sure that us idiots would never read his works anyway? Or that even if we tried we won't understand? I must say he is quite right in that, cos I don't understand most of the stuff people talk about. I use the tips one of my wise friends told me. Here is what she said.
So, as I was saying, I can't read. And because I can't read, I won't know what idiots are like. 'Tis a cruel cruel world. Whatever happened to that famous line - 'everyone is equal'? Or is it called a phrase? Well whatever the term is, I think I'm pretty sure I remember the words in that one right.
Sigh.. I've thought too much today. So much better to just vegetate.
I haven't read it, of course, and so I ask anyone who has read it and happens to like it to excuse themselves from the drivel that follows this sentence. Anyone with a name as serious sounding as Mr. D mentioned in the previous paragraph, must have vast knowledge about idiots and their ways. In fact, I'm quite sure it will be like reading about myself and so I must stop referring to idiots in third person.
But why did a man as important sounding as Mr. D write a book like this? Is it because he was quite sure that us idiots would never read his works anyway? Or that even if we tried we won't understand? I must say he is quite right in that, cos I don't understand most of the stuff people talk about. I use the tips one of my wise friends told me. Here is what she said.
So, as I was saying, I can't read. And because I can't read, I won't know what idiots are like. 'Tis a cruel cruel world. Whatever happened to that famous line - 'everyone is equal'? Or is it called a phrase? Well whatever the term is, I think I'm pretty sure I remember the words in that one right.
Sigh.. I've thought too much today. So much better to just vegetate.
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