It's 1.27am as I sit down to write. I've got my trusty cup of tea, some music from the playlist I call 'mellow' and 4 pieces of something I dare not mention. And the music is speaking to me again.. that heartless bastard of a thing - refuses to come to me unless I get to it first. I am not and have never been the kind of person who could break into song at the drop of a hat - or had songs suddenly play in my head because of a mood or a setting or a conversation. Somehow she always makes me go to her, never comes over willingly.
For the last 7 years of my life it's been bothering me that I have lost the ability to put a song writer, song name and piece of music together. I know all of them and yet I know none. Similarly with authors and their work. Or other artists for that matter. I don't know how I manage to consume different parts of one piece of work at different points of time. Its bizarre and infinitely annoying. Someone gave me a fancy sounding name for this problem, but that just makes me even more uncomfortable.
I spend hours, days even 'sorting' out my music. I spend long auto rides pondering this unsettling phenomenon. Why do I simultaneously know and not know something I love so dearly - what does it make me? There have been instances where I've opened my mouth and heard myself confidently declare things that are wrong.
..
And suddenly like that, I forgot what I wanted to say next.
1 comment:
it takes a lot of time i guess, to be in that place with just the correct number of haphazard thoughts and scattered frames of mind to make one not care about the conformity of words and paragraphs, and just wr5ite because we want to, love to... for that's what we do when we do our 'thing' to find solace...
congratulations for finding that place... now let's see if music can resist.. :)
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