Reflecting... while removed.

He was the best of the best, calm, cool, intelligent, witty. Sorted. That’s the word. Could see clearly through any storm. And was there during one of the toughest times in my life. Frightfully rational, and hence tough to relate to. Unabashed self centeredness is something I always found fascinating… but never quite got down to it myself. And he was one of those. Fascinating yet frightening.

I don’t know anymore. I don’t know how to deal with it. And yet, I’m not crying. Not yet atleast. And I don’t understand that either. Maybe that’s what it’s all been reduced to now. Maybe it’s the way most things will impact us.

Technology aided relationships probably leave their stain on its very fabric. People get reduced to a set of stimuli… its not whole anymore. We ‘hang’ with one bunch… but talk to a different set. Phone conversations are probably for general off loading, or a reach out for that elusive midnight shoulder cry. Chat windows for more introspective stuff. Facebook reduces to photos and links and blogs become our silent witnesses. Someone in a movie once said, ‘we get married cos throughout our various and fractured lives… we need that someone who will turn to you and say… I am here. I am your witness. I witness your life through mine and you do the same for me.’ Or something like that. Blogs are our witnesses of choice… filtered projections of the prettiness that we desperately want others to acknowledge; or our scrap books to turn to when thoughtful. Our partners witness the slightly more fleshy realities. And time suspended conversations with strangers probably witness us at our careless best, or worst. I don’t know.

But… it seems like a bit of a loss to me… that I associate such finite particulars to most of my friendships… that it is probably understandable that I don’t know how to react.

Then again, to me this reeks of euphemism for a greater loss - our individual societies as we have defined them.

Or maybe this is just me. Hopefully.