Kersplat your hearts out

Extended Rant Number 1

This one is on the Importance of Being Original. So if you are one of the Original sort of peoples, kindly browse away from this silly webpage. It contains drivel. Other Lesser Mortals may stay.

I don't understand why I am still pre-occupied by a ridiculous obsession with originality. I confess, I still harbour furtive desires of creating something original someday - something unthought of, or un-done. Despite the multiple self-let-downs at such attempts, I still keep thinking it will happen. Some ox-headed, moronic (oxymoronic, eh, miss prometheus? ), ugly, silly form of optimism if I may dare to call it that. I wonder why, though.

Sigh.

I usually start my days watching the news on TV cos I havent managed to catch hold of the newspaper boy yet. Today there was a rather disturbing piece about a 6 yr old kid being harassed by UP policemen for allegedly stealing 280 rupees. From whom? Wheres the money? No one knows. But this man... this 'policeman'... took it as an opportunity to pull the poor lil street child by her hair.. and off the ground!!!

I was so stumped to watch it. And news channels nowadays seem to enjoy endless repetitive loops of the same scene. And so I watched the same little girl, crying and desperately hanging on to her head to get this nasty man's paws off her hair. And I saw the same clip around 15 times. And I'm sure it is playing on TV even now. The entire time I sat there thinking that maybe the pain of watching it 15 times or 20 times or even 400 times might make me understand what the child was going through. But then again, who am I kidding? I'm living on my own in a comfortable little space. What do I know about what the child was going through? All I can do is sit and cry about it.

And the worst part was not that. It was the 10-15 odd men who were standing around. Merely watching. With a look of impotent importance, like they were watching a just punishment. And the policemen himself... had the ugly glare of perpetrating, and consuming at the same time, a violence that he believed was his work right. A look of smug contentment at torturing the helpless child, at enforcing his frustrated sense of nothing-ness on someone who at worst was only answering her crying tummy. This wasn't Barthes' idea of the consumption of wrestling. This was the ugly underbelly of an anger that stems from being an inconspicuous dot amongst a billion and a half, but armed with a baton, lashing out at anything and everything.

This isn't lack of education, or deprivation of any sort. It is just a depraved mind and a depraved gathering that watches unashamed, things that they themselves in their 30 tall years cannot handle. This is angered haplessness that turns outwards and is blinded by its own self obsession.

I once discussed mob mentality with a friend who had seen a mob in action. And she was telling me about how there is some force that transforms a crowd of people once they were setting out to destruct. It was inexplicable and frightening to think that perfectly normal average men would suddenly drop everything to join in a chance to randomly beat, molest and maim others. Its like a collective rising... of desperation, misplaced anger and an extremely misplaced sense of power. It is sad to see that it reduces even the most normal of people into savage behaviour and if not, then into silent spectators eagerly consuming the spectacle of violence.

Barthes says that wrestling is the one arena where people can consume anger and justice in its most unabashed and dramatic face. I wonder what Indian mob mentality says about us. Why are our senses of self so vulnerable and un-thoguht out? Or maybe I don't get it.

Time for moony moody

Its is time again folks, for moony, moody and the suchlike(s). Seriously, being not -frustrated can only last a while. And after the brief misleading-ness of feeling light, things like your creator, cellulite and the sandras-from-bandra bring you back to earth. And so, one regresses to who they really are.

Aside: Jyenagar Jalajamba laft the pritty Bengloor to come to the Mumbai - that too to do something as silly as being independent. Highly overrated, romanticised, cloud-9-isised and other such expressions, I say. The experience is closer to being overwhelmed, then under-whelmed and then everydirectionpossible-whelmed.

Ya, so, like, I digressed. Aaanywayssss, its my blog and around 2.49 people read it, so what the hell. Hmm, so moving out is tough. (And thats the gist of the post, so you may excuse yourself and save your day). But, its been fun. For example, I have never been broke until now. I mean, I have never been nearly broke. Until now. I have never needed to know the physics of domestic plumbing requirements. Or called Just Dial for everything that goes wrong. Or obsess about house keys. Or check my bank account every 47 minutes. Or pay credit card bills for 23k. AND pay rent at the same time. AND do the dishes, wake myself up, drink my own chai, make my own food, eat it, clean it and then proceed to dump it the next morning (with the extra dash of excitement, viz, chilli powder, bark out of my orifice). OR for that matter, walk past a million little boutique shops with mean, nasty stuff like 'BLOW OUT SALE' written outside, and not walk back and enter the store. OR look at the price of a barista cappuccino for the first time. RIGHT. So I was a wee bit spoilt. :P But now, I have landed on my generous backside with a loud thud, and surprisingly enough, the cushioning didn't mask the impact.

So, now JJ has REAL problems in her life. Not stuff she made up cos she was bored, but genuine, real, tangible problems. Like a flooded house. Or not having a house. Or, well, other such stuff. Now, JJ has problems she can be proud of. And so many of them that gets bored talking about it! Yay! And it is so much better to be tired than bored. Excuse from thought, action and other such energy draining things. But, she does miss Nutini:

"Hey, I put some new shoes on,
And suddenly everything's right,
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on
and everybody's smiling,
An it's so inviting,

Oh, short on money,

But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And I'm running late,
And I dont need an excuse,
'Cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes."

don't you just LOVE pastis :D

http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/

Father, please may I be excused??

The......... Ravenous Bugblatter beast of Traal!! There has not been a single day in the last ohsomany months when I haven't thought about the BBoT. For those who don't know who/what it is, here's a little bit on it

"Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a creature that hails from the planet of Traal, and will eat anything. If you are to encounter one, the Guide tells you that it's impossible to slay, so you should wrap a towel around your head. This creature is so mind-bogglingly stupid that it assumes that if you can't see it, then it can't see you. Despite this, the guide did state, erroneously, that "ravenous Bugblatter beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists" in its article on the planet Traal. This led to deaths of those who took it literally. The guide's editors avoided lawsuit by summoning a poet to testify under oath that beauty was truth, truth beauty, and therefore prove that their claim, the nicer one, must be true. This led to life itself being held in contempt of court for being neither beautiful or true, and subsequently being removed from all those present at the trial."

Ain't it pretty? I mean firstly, the name itself is gorgeous. Deliciously fullfilling mouthful of a name. The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Say it. Smile. And marvel at the enjoyable satedness. Sigh....
And if that is not enough to keep you going for a good decade, think with a towel wrapped around your head. Cos if you can't see it then it can't see you. Whenever the need for inconspicuousness is felt, just wrap a towel around your head. Poignantly convenient. Delightfully convoluted. And other such high-sounding, seemingly oxymoronic phrases that occur. In fact when you have a towel wrapped on your head, you can think of many more.

And so easy to administer. No need anymore for us to dig holes to jump into. Or pray for alien abduction. Just carry that handy saviour of a towel. And be the klutz that you are. Merrily hop skip jump over emotions, bad vocabulary and political incorrectness in the confidence that you have your faithful towel. The la da da ticket to eternal forgiveness. You don’t need to be cool anymore. Oooooh… sigh, where’s my towel now?

P. S.: Please to be excusing logic leaps, grammatical errors and unnecessary words. No, wait, I don’t mean that. Cos I got me towel. Ha!

One Day You Will be Cool

Yea yea... I know you like almost famous and I know this isn't original... but none of you are anyway, so shove it. :D

Right... so this has been my favourite theme off late. It is the 'it' sentence.. the one I have been measuring my coffee cups with.

Think about it... have you ever met anyone who doesn't want to be thought of as cool? Some might settle for 'not uncool'... but they still secretly want to be cool. Its one of the fundamental desires of the 21st century... right up there along with 6 packs and Beyonce's bottoms.

So what IS cool? Some people say its your attitude. It should come from within. But I think its just their way of not wanting to let the secret out. Its like saying... you wont find god unless you pray for him with a pure heart. If I had a pure heart, I'm sure I wouldn't need his help. And whats with the ego-trip anyway? If you are benevolent and help the needy... get down to business, goddamit!

I think I've thought too much. I'm hyper ventilating. Somebody help me.